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There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!