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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.