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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
Just found out that I’m 53 Cheetos tall.
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
I`m the guy at the gym laying face down on the treadmill telling everyone "I`m ok, I`m ok"
I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"