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Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
My New Year`s resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
They should make an app that tells me how many Oreos I can eat for every mile I jog.
I`ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can`t live without
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?