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If you look in the mirror and say "Taylor Swift" three times, she magically appears then breaks up with you. What do u know next? You`re a song!
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
If your dog is fat it means that you don`t get enough exercise.
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`
The older I get the better I used to be.