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Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
My Ex updated her status to "standing on the edge of a cliff" So I "poked" her!
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
Hit the popcorn button on my microwave but none has appeared yet.
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.