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How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined?
That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people think you`re stupid.
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.
If I’m going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then I’m going to need a bigger rug.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.