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It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
I just poured myself some iced tea. I could have sworn I heard one of the beers in my fridge whisper "What the F*ck!?"
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
Beer is good, but beers are better.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
LIKE if you check your phone to see what time it is and then check it again because the first time you weren’t paying attention.
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.