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I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.