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I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
I love how people say they`re "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
It`s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
I accidentally called 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn`t look stupid.
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
The man who created the Thesaurus has died. He`ll be fondly remembered, commemorated, memorialized, recalled and recollected.
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don`t really care if you don`t have any pizza.