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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
When I was a kid, I used to sing, `A, B, C,D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P`
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
Can I get likes for no reason?
I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the sh!t out of each other because it`s negative.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..