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Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
I always walk through my office with a stern look on my face and a toilet plunger to avoid conversations.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
I can`t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend
I just found my Christmas Spirit.... It`s been in aisle 6 at this liquor store the whole time!
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.