Daily Silly Status

Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.

I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.

All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..

Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.

How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to

The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.

I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.

If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.

The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.

When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.

When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..

Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.

You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.

Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.