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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
A month ago I gave my number to this beautiful girl. She said "I will text you when I get home". I think she`s homeless.
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you`re not in shape, it`s too far to walk back.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.