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There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who`s hot. It`s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
Would an obsession with the imperial measurement system be considered a foot fetish?
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.
You can’t please everyone, so you might as well just concentrate on me.