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Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...