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A wise man once said nothing.
Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent`s face there is no known comeback.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer ;)
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?