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Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........