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There’s a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email!
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
Hey Journey, I stopped believing. What now?
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.
Women forgive and forget but always make sure you don`t forget that they forgave you and forgot about it.
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.