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Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
ever notice that on a phone the word "mom" is 666?
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
Best thing to do when you`re stuck in a group text is to to throw your phone in the street and start a new life and maybe get some chipotle
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.
It`s time to take the next big step in my relationship by popping the question to my girlfriend ....will you get me a beer :) (<>..<>)
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.