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Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will only be jingling "part" of the way this year, as usual ur patience is appreciated.
Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
I don`t care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I`m more annoyed that random woodland creatures won`t clean my house.
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.