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Nobody wants to know your diet. So shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
So you have 820 friends on Facebook and yet no one was around to take your picture when you decided to use the mirror for a good shot?
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.