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At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"