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You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
I don`t mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It`s the coming back home part that bothers me.
Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
I pretend I don`t care but deep down I really still don`t care.
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.