Daily Silly Status

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.

You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.

Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.

If I ran the country, things would be a lot better. Well…for me anyway.

Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.

I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...

It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read

If you like counting to three, you are going to love parenting.

Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.

The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?

Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".

There is nothing more terrifying than sneezing while driving.

I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun... "Dean, what are you doing this weekend?" "That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should." "But what are you doing?" "What I`m g

One man’s potato is another man’s vodka.

Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.