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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer ;)
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.
My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”