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Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
Your giving me the silent treatment??? FKN FINALLY!!
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!