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Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
Grocery stores could save me a lot of time and effort by adding an “All the stuff you can microwave” aisle.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)