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So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it`s okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it`s rude??
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
The secret to success is in my bra.
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.