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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
Patient: "The problem is that obesity runs in my family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
Some people should be ticketed for wearing spandex
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
Christmas spirit? I`m proud to say I`ve got plenty of that. I`ve got rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, vodka and tequila.
My life coach just benched me.
Dear Cashier: Stop giving me attitude and acting like your job is so complicated and stressful. Self-Checkout has proven that you are really unnecessary.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to `Brandy from the club` then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.