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You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?