Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
If I were my boss, I`d never leave my coffee cup unattended.
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
Mondays should start at noon.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
Not to brag but my bank says I have an outstanding balance.
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.