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I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."
That awkward moment when you realize this year is just going to be filled with morons talking about the end of the world the whole time.
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
Hit me with your pet shark #RuinAn80sSong
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.