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Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
Could you please put your screaming baby on vibrate.
I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now I’m gonna be up all night worrying.
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.