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SPOILER ALERT: Rice cakes do not contain any actual cake.
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
Feeling pretty good about myself today so I`m going to go meet up with an ex-girlfriend to bring me back down to normal
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!