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How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
props to the parent at the mall that walked up afterward to ask santa what his kid wanted lol
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.