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wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
When people ask for my advice, I advise them not to take my advice. That really screws them up.
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.