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To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.