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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
What a terrible day. I`m going to drive through puddles & splash pedestrians to make myself feel better,
is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
When in doubt, take a nap.
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station`s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.