Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
The statement ‘Hey! Calm down!’ has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down.
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...