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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
The statement βHey! Calm down!β has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down.
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
If βtoo drunk to standβ is a yoga pose, then Iβm nailing that one.
My dogβs ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where Iβd like it to be.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
Well thatβs a wrap on another day where I act like I know what Iβm doing
I AM doing something with my life. Itβs called screwing around.
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...