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Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he`s homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
I’m so happy people can’t hear what I’m thinking.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so that I could slap 8 people at once.
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.