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Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
So my friend is mad at me because I slept with her ex. Her instructions were very clear when they broke up, she said "F*ck that guy!"
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
I still water my dead plants every 3 months. Just in case...
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.