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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
Why is it that whenever I have to turn around in a strange driveway, I feel like they`re gonna come running out with pitchforks and torches?
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.