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"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
Alcohol goes in ... Happiness comes out.
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, I’m slowly getting over it.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats