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Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
I`m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
Save water- shower with me!
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?