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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
Hard butter is the devil.
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.
If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?