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I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
Put your gossiping skills to the test, go write a novel...
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
Cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent, but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg.