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For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
Little to no thought was put into this status.
I`ve been having really bad headaches lately. The doctor said they were all in my head.
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined by telling the truth.
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancé just to mess with people.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”