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What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a big sign of disrespect.
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
Fun Fact about me: The drunker I get, the more karate I know.
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I`m murdered because I don`t want him to remarry