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Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
That horrible moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching…
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
My favorite beer is the 15th one.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
It`s kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.