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Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
Sometimes saying "F*ck it" is the best decision.
I often worry about the safety of my children, especially the one that is rolling their eyes at me & talking back right now.