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Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
It makes me sad that so many women feel like they have to wear makeup and clothes.
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
The fact that Google autocompletes all of my questions just reaffirms how unoriginal all my problems are.
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.