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Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
Chip clips are for quitters.
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.