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Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
Sometimes, I don`t know how I`m going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.
People hate facing the truth. Luckily the truth doesn`t give a sh*t.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.