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Happy new years, my friends. Thanks for supporting the site, Ralf.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.